He Was Willing

“Lord, if You are willing, You can make me clean.”

Luke 5:12b (NIV)

In July of 2006, I was diagnosed with colitis. In December of that year, the diagnosis was changed from colitis to Crohn’s disease, a similar but more devastating disease. There is no known cure for Crohn’s. It can be treated through diet and medications but, once diagnosed, it is a lifelong condition. There are many unpleasant effects of Crohn’s disease but one of the worst is a life characterized by pain.

In the spring of 2006, I remember remarking that I thought I was developing an ulcer. I remember nearly constant discomfort. On the first morning of our holidays the pain was so severe that I woke my husband to take me to the hospital. My abdomen hurt with every step and I couldn’t lift my legs high enough to navigate stairs. I was scared.

And so began a stream of many tests. I began the difficult process of learning to “live” with the pain and discomfort of Crohn’s. It was hard. There were good days and bad days. On the good days, I was unable to sit with my arms crossed on my chest because of the pain the pressure placed on my abdomen. I was plagued with constant fatigue. I lost muscle strength. On the bad days, I would stay in bed. There was no comfortable way to lie and I was too tired to function. This was life and yet I never asked the Lord to heal me.

I didn’t realize that I had never asked for healing until the morning of February 19th, 2007. I was sitting alone with God and overwhelmed by the gift of salvation. The generosity of the gift is so immense! That Christ would die to satisfy the wrath of the Father because of my stubborn sin and rebellion… How do you respond to a gift like that – but accept it? I realized that I gladly accepted His salvation, sanctification (that process of His Spirit to make me more Christ-like) and His abiding Presence in my life. How could I refuse any facet that those precious drops of blood were shed for? Yet I was. Isaiah 53:5 says, “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities; the chastisement needful to obtain peace and well-being for us was upon Him, and with the stripes that wounded Him we are healed and made whole.” (Amplified version, emphasis mine). I would gladly accept the healing of my physical body upon entrance to heaven. Why would I refuse such an offer should He desire to give it before then?

With a mixture of fear and anticipation, I asked the Lord to forgive me and started asking Him to heal me. I don’t want to miss out on a single blessing that my loving Lord is willing to give! I started asking others to join me as I prayed for healing. I followed the example in scripture and went to the elders of the church and they prayed for healing in my body. I kept asking. I knew the Lord had told me to. And I waited, not sure of what would come.

On June 30th, our family began holidays. I was sick. It was nearly a year to the day since I had gone into hospital and received the initial diagnosis. I remember thinking “will I ever have the strength and stamina to keep up with my family like I once did?” My specialist had booked a series of tests for July 2nd to determine the extent of inflammation. Perhaps that would shed some light on what to do next.

So, on July 2nd, 2007, I was at the hospital bright and early to begin the tests. I should tell you that right from the beginning of my battle with Crohn’s, the Lord would not allow me to take ownership of the disease. When I would say “my Crohn’s” the conviction of the Holy Spirit would get all over me. It was very clear that I was not to claim the disease as mine. That was an odd thing for me. I had never heard anyone teach on the subject but the conviction was very clear. I did my best to obey. So on July 2nd, during the final stages of my tests, I was surprised to hear myself say to one of the nurses “my” Crohn’s. I immediately asked the Lord to forgive me and as she left the room, I said aloud, “I reject that in Jesus’ Name. This is NOT my Crohn’s.” A minute or two later, the doctor came in. It was his responsibility to read the tests. After a few minutes of scanning, he asked me why I was there. I was very careful to say that I had “been diagnosed” with Crohn’s disease. He asked me if a colonoscopy had been used in the diagnosis. I told him yes as well as a gastroscopy, CT scan, blood work, etc. His next question was if I knew where the Crohn’s was located. I told him where the other tests had showed. He turned the monitor towards me so that I could see and then showed me the areas that I had mentioned and said, “there’s NO inflammation there.”

Now it should have showed up. I had just been sick. I nearly asked the Lord aloud what He was up to! Excitement started to pulse in me. What was the Lord doing? Was I being healed? There was no rush of warmth flooding my body or any of the other things that I had heard people talk about when being healed but there was such a wonder and sense of awe. I felt a little like Mary must have as she “pondered these things in her heart.” What was up?

When I got home, I told my husband, my mom and my best friend what had happened. I was unsure of what it all meant. The next day, I woke up to notice that I had no pain or discomfort. With an unspoken question to the Lord, I quit taking my medication. It was almost like “let’s just see.” Oh praise the Lord that He can work with faith as small as a mustard seed! No pain returned! After two weeks of health, the Lord asked me if I was going to tell anyone else what He had done. Now that was a scary question! What if I told people that I had been healed and the disease returned? What if I somehow jinxed it? The Lord is so kind. Did I not know He was big enough to handle all of that?

So I told my close circle of friends and faithful prayer warriors. A week later, I told the team of musicians that I serve with and the elders that prayed over me that day. And today, July 31st, 2007, I’m telling you… Praise the Lord, the One who bore the stripes, I have been healed!

I want to share what one of my friends and prayer partners wrote in response to my declaration. “I don't think you need to spell crohn’s with a capital anymore. Leave the capitals for the LORD, not what He has defeated for His glory. Praise Him!”

Jesus reached out His hand and touched the man.

“I am willing”, He said.

Luke 5:13a (NIV)

“The Bookends”

The LORD will strike Egypt with a plague;

He will strike them and heal them.

They will turn to the LORD, and He will respond to their pleas

And heal them.

Isaiah 19:22 (NIV)

I received a call from a special friend that the Lord often uses to confirm His words to me. She asked me what was happening on March 1st, 2007 because in the margin of her Bible, alongside Isaiah 19:22, she had written my name and the date and referenced me being healed. She hadn’t been studying in Isaiah at that time and couldn’t remember writing there. She wondered if perhaps I had commented to her on something that I had learned from that passage on that day. I opened my current Bible and found the passage totally unmarked. We each checked our journals and there was nothing significant on March 1st. I decided to look in my old Bible, from a different season of life. There I found this verse boldly underlined and in the margin it read “The Lord uses illness to cause us to admit our own insufficiency and turn or return to Him!” It is from October 2005! Before I was ever sick!

I find it amazing that the LORD would care enough to put “bookends” on this story. Before crohn’s ever afflicted my body, He was telling me that sometimes He uses sickness to cause us to admit our own insufficiency and turn back to Him. That is what He did in me throughout this ordeal. He arrested my out-of-control eating and my idolatry with comfort food. He brought me to repentance and I returned to seeking my comfort and solace in Him. I needed to hit the brick wall of disease in order for Him to regain my attention. I praise Him that He cares more about my spiritual condition than my temporary comfort!

I also find it amazing that from the very same passage, the LORD would use the one that is as close to me as a sister to confirm His healing. What was significant about March 1st? I believe He was showing Himself faithful to His Word… for on February 27th I confessed my sin of not trusting the LORD for healing to those who are closest to me and asked them to begin praying for my healing.

Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other

so that you may be healed.

James 5:16 (NIV)